


hold me (don't leave me)

by angelaxy



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Comfort/Angst, Established Relationship, Implied Sexual Content, Mental Health Issues, Mild Sexual Content, Multi, Polyamory, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:02:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25805572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelaxy/pseuds/angelaxy
Summary: There was always hope for the hopeless,even it might not always saving.
Relationships: Comte/Michiru/Leonardo
Collections: Ange's Writersmonth2020, Writer's Month 2020, ` Temptation in the Dark `





	hold me (don't leave me)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Illness prompt~  
> I put M rating, just in case, the theme is pretty heavy for teens >.< and there's *ahem* just a littleeeeee bit xD
> 
> ......This is unexpectedly hurting me way more than I imagined.  
> Definitely putting this on my WIP bcs I'm in love, there'll be more~  
> xoxo

The voice in her head was cruel.

The voice in her head was unforgiving.

The voice didn’t come from a realm of imagination but a harsh reality, where time stretched so slowly before her, slower than to anyone else, _the voice_ was real, loud and vicious. For whispering the words she didn’t want to hear.

Having awakened from the sleep she managed to grasp only two hours ago, Michiru sat upright on the bed, sweats rolling down her forehead and the white sheet slipping off of her. Escaping from a nightmare didn’t mean she was safe because the voice began to make its presence in her mind.

_‘Someone worthless like you don’t deserve to live. The world is a better place without you.’_

stopit-stopit-stopit

Michiru chanted the words repeatedly in her mind, unconsciously slipping through her lips as she held her head, body shaking furiously. Nothing much could be done to contain the voice inside her fractured mind.

“Stop it! Just shut up!” She screamed.

It awakened her lovers and they immediately sprung into action, they knew what was happening, this was not the first time she awakened this way. Comte called for her name, brushing her back soothingly while Leonardo patted her hair, shushing with his deep voice.

_‘They don’t love you, all they feel is pity — Poor girl, how broken you have become — But eventually, they will forget you and leave you alone. Everyone left.’_

shutup-shutup-shutup

_‘When someone left you, always your doing, always your fault.’_

“No, they won’t, no, no!” The tears streamed unstoppably, falling, falling, falling, without her consent.

Comte held her tight in his secure embrace that gave her homely feeling, attempting his best to comfort her. Leonardo kissed her bare shoulders, whispering sweet nothings in her ear.

“Please.. Tell me you’re not going to leave me..” Michiru sobbed helplessly, burying her face in Comte’s arms.

“We won’t.” Leonardo said, without any hesitation.

“Never, chérie, _never_.” Comte whispered reassuringly, enveloping her figure with the sheet.

A whimper, small and delicate, broke through the air.

Leonardo cupped her chin, tipped it upward and kissed her, while Comte’s warmth was much warmer than the sheet. The kiss and the embrace were the expressions of their love. Even when her nails dug into Comte’s skin and the kiss tasted salty with her tears.

The voice did not stop tormenting her, it never would be. Because the voice was hers, coming from the darkest corner of her mind. Too much of her kindness spilled, too much of her empathy poured out — because she felt everything and it was not a gift. Every pain and hurt in the world was also hers to feel. An unending burden that had her broken so much, made itself a home between the cracks of her heart.

The dark circles under her eyes was a permanent fixture in her face, she rarely slept, only occasionally when she was too exhausted, even then, the voice was replaced by nightmares. The darkness always clawed, clawed, and clawed inside, threatening to swallow her whole, but she won’t let it, not when she had people who were concerned about her so much.

Both Leonardo and Comte, other residents as well, often found her blacked out on the floor. Hallways, the foyer, her own room, and sometimes even outside, in the gazebo, the garden. No matter how much they constantly watched upon her, Comte had things to handle outside the mansion and Leonardo himself was quite occupied with his inventions. They couldn’t watch her the whole time but they tried, as hard as they could.

Sometimes she thought they only wanted to fix her, like the voice said.

“Why would you love someone like me?” Michiru asked once upon a time when the three of them laid bare on the bed, sweat glistening their skin, their chest heaving from riding down the waves of pleasure.

“It is never about pity or anything similar, chérie. Your empathetic heart is more beautiful than what you might think.” Comte smiled, his comforting hand against her cheek, placing open-mouthed kisses along her jawline, her chin. Trailing his wet tongue down to the valley of her breasts, he teased her until soft moans came unbidden from her lips. “Charming, lovely.” He whispered against her skin.

“Don’t forget the important thing, she’s beautiful inside out.” With a light smirk curved his mouth, Leonardo chuckled. “We see you as who you are, as simple as that, cara mia.” He shifted to place kisses on her navel, then going downward, making her giggle and squirm in delight. 

They both knew how her heart bled terribly, to feel every burden as if it was hers. Compassion ran through her veins while her heart was a beating form of empathy — she was her own destruction.

At times, they did provide the best distractions she could have. Hugs, kisses, love-making — when she felt at her happiest, and often, too exhausted from their nightly activity that she no longer heard it. No voice haunted her, no nightmares, and she could sleep soundly. The world seemed peaceful.

However, as the time kept ticking, the voice always returned, always persistent.

One night at the balcony, the three of them were standing against the stony rail and she was unconsciously looking down to the garden below as the voice told her what she must do. _‘Do it!’_ It said.

“Ma chérie.” Comte whispered and lured her back to reality. He did not ask anything, only staring down at her lovingly before leaning down to kiss her so tenderly. Leonardo on her other side, laced their fingers together, kissing her hair — only then she realized her hands were trembling.

The kiss ended, she breathed, in and out, in and out.

“Thank you, both of you.” Lips curled on their own, finding herself feeling warmth inside. It wasn’t cold anymore, at least for now. “ _I won’t_.” A whisper of promise as she no longer looked on the ground below, but to the night sky where the stars were sparkling down to all three of them.

They were the reason she was still fighting, and she had burdened them enough, she won’t burden them more than this or to cause them _grief_ , she would keep fighting the voice even if it might tell her otherwise. In her sleepless nights, either one would keep her company, talking about nothing, doing anything, even if it was only hugging, touching or kissing — sometimes, only their kisses could bring her back.

Yes, they were her anchor, and how lucky she was to find not only one, but two, who dearly loved her despite everything.

Comte always made her happy with the dresses, balls, gifts, letting her forget that she was unlike others. _Different_. Leonardo always made her smile, she felt normal when they were bickering playfully. When they made love, she felt tremendously loved. A world of her own with just the three of them, and love, and desire — without the voice.

At her best, she was the empathetic girl, even to flowers and animals.

At her worst, she was a walking corpse with no mind of her own.

Love did not fix everything, it seemed, not entirely.

_Not her, never her._


End file.
